Learn how to create healthy relationship rules for a lasting union
What makes a relationship truly extraordinary? Is it the way you communicate with your partner? Does setting relationship rules for couples help long term? And what weakens, or even destroys, a relationship?
It all comes down to a few relationship rules for couples. We all create rules – those things we believe have to happen in a relationship in order for us to be happy. However, when we have too many rules or our relationship rules are determined by what we can get out of the relationship rather than what we can give, a relationship can quickly become a nightmare. Many of us are skilled at setting effective boundaries in professional or platonic relationships, but we struggle with setting healthy boundaries in our romantic relationships.
This is because, given the intimate nature of romance, the guidelines governing effective relationship rules for couples are a bit different than those for other types of relationships. How can couples learn to set healthy relationship rules to protect and nurture their partnership while staying connected to one another? It boils down to a few straightforward, powerful concepts.
1. NEVER QUESTION THE INTENT OF YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER OR THE NATURE OF THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF.
Just because you’ve experienced a problem today doesn’t mean the relationship itself is a problem. Always assume that the person with whom you’re in the relationship has good intentions, and remember that you are bound by a deep love for one another, no matter what.
2. DON’T CORRECT YOUR SPOUSE.
This is one of the hardest relationship rules for those with a strong competitive nature. It doesn’t mean you allow your spouse to be wrong. It means that instead of arguing, you create a fun and effective pattern interrupt that you and your partner can use in order to change states easily.
3. DON’T GET STUCK IN A REPETITIOUS PATTERN.
We all have patterns. They’re a way for our brains to save decision-making energy and can even be beneficial. Yet they also make it easy to get stuck in a rut. If things aren’t working, change your approach – your perception, actions, responsibility frame, and more.
4. NEVER THREATEN THE RELATIONSHIP.
While a little uncertainty makes a relationship exciting, “on again, off again” partnerships or those where one partner consistently threatens a breakup are never healthy. These behaviors create an imbalance of power – and healthy relationship rules are all about respect and equality.
5. COMMIT TO CANI IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.
Because growth is one of our most essential human needs, committing to CANI (constant and never-ending improvement) is the key to fulfillment not just in relationships but in life. Develop a growth mindset and never accept a relationship that is anything less than extraordinary.
